I wish I could say that as I have walked with God for the last 7 years, my trust and faith in Him were stronger than they are. I know that all christians go through highs and lows in our walks with the Lord, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t discouraging sometimes as new challenges arise, to see that you are still prone to the same tendencies as before.
As I allow the Lord to direct my steps and as He has called me into a new season helping with a church plant in Torino Italy, the more and more I realize I continue to falter and lose heart because I am looking at myself and not at Christ. I start out trusting that He has called me, and He is faithful to provide all my needs, and equip me for the work, (Which is true!) but then, I become like Peter when he was walking to Jesus in the storm. I start worrying that I won’t make a difference in such a huge place, or bring anything to the team or that I won’t be bold enough, or I will get depressed from living surrounded by grey buildings with no nature around, or that I won’t have enough financially for every month, etc. If I let my mind wander, I know I could fill this whole page with reasons why it could be better off if I didn’t go, or why God chose the wrong person, yet I know as believers we can’t follow our emotions!
The Bible tells us that God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise ( 1 Cor. 1:27) which means He will get even more glory through using those of us who are broken and unlikely characters for His will. Knowing this truth is very reassuring, especially when I think of other promises in the Word which reaffirm it’s His work, not mine-
«He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it.»
1 Thessalonians 5:24
«You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you.»
So in the midst of these anxieties and fears and transitions, one thing the Lord has made clear to me, is the fact He is still leading me, and will not allow me to be “in want”.
«They did not thirst when he led them through the deserts; he made water flow for them from the rock; he split the rock and the water gushed out.»
Isaiah 48:21 ESV
I’m grateful that God gives us promises in his Word such a this, so that when, not if, desert seasons happen in the life of a believer, we are not caught off guard.
If you look closely at this verse, it’s God Himself who is leading the Israelites into the desert, and it’s not just one, it’s multiple! So even though it’s not ideal or comfortable for us, The Lord clearly has a plan, and knows we need a season of growth. He wants us to walk by Faith and Trust that if He says he will provide water from the Rock, and lead us through, than He will do just that!
So even though I am still not thrilled with the idea of going through a desert season as I face moving to Torino, I know this will refine me, and grow me in my dependence on Christ and in His Strength, not my own. Also, I know it’s important as believers to share this “living water” we have in Christ with others who may be in the desert as well, yet don’t know how to quench their thirst.
Jesus said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”»
John 4:13-14 ESV